Paul

May 2008

Paul has started using forearm crutches again. He is getting faster and faster the more he practices. It is wonderful to see Paul up and about. It is definitely excellent for his physical and mental health. After Paul has urological surgery a couple of years ago he lost the ability to walk independently. For the past year and a half Paul has used a manual wheelchair exclusively for his mobility. While Paul can use a manual wheelchair like an athlete, he started developing pressure sores from sitting all of the time. Paul was extremely reluctant to get up on crutches and it took a lot of encouragement and prompting to get him to agree to stop using the wheelchair as much. For the past two months Paul has used the forearm crutches almost exclusively. At first Paul was resistive to walking and painfully slow on the crutches. Now Paul is getting from place-to-place a lot faster and with more confidence. As a result, Paul's pressure sores are healing and he may not need surgery to close the sores. The biggest obstacle we face is Paul's extreme noncompliance and resistiveness. It definitely has to be Paul's decision to use the crutches. Since Paul definitely does not want surgery like Kyle and be stuck in bed for weeks, he has agreed to walk more than roll.

February 2008
Hard to believe that Paul is turning 14 years old this month! Wow!! He has been with us for almost eight years and just now he is finally not talking about "when I get my new family....". Paul had many placements before he joined our family. He was only in the foster care system for a couple of years but that instability really affected him. He still has big issues with trusting adults and bonding. Paul is the type of child who would just get into a car with someone if told him to, and he would never look back. Paul has been in counseling since first grade working on his attachment disorder issues. This is definitely a slow process.

Paul has enjoyed going to the snow several times this winter. He especially enjoyed participating in adapted skiing, This is annual tradition for Paul. Many volunteers at the Big Bear Adapted Ski School remember Paul year after year. Paul is now able to use the sit-down ski with some proficiency. Besides adapted skiing Paul likes to just play in the snow. He loves sliding down small hills in the plastic disks and he even made his first snowman this year!

November 2007
Paul continues to "sow his wild oats" at home and at school. Paul wants to be more and more independent which of course we encourage. The problem is Paul goes about being independent in the wrong ways. He continues to be stubborn and noncompliant most of the time. Paul can be difficult to redirect and encourage then all of a sudden, for a few hours, he is perfect. Definitely 13-years-old is a difficult age for any boy, and Paul is no different. We are continuing to look for activities that Paul might get interested in and also have opportunities to make new friends. We know Paul will make it through this period in his life, we are just counting the days!

September 2007
Paul is going through a very stubborn stage lately. He is difficult to get out of bed in the mornings and almost always unwilling to come join us for breakfast. It has become more and more of a struggle to get Paul to complete his shower and other personal care. Despite years of therapy these types of behaviors have always been hard to deal with when working with Paul. It seems that recently we have felt a huge increase with the frequency and intensity of these noncompliant behaviors. We are using our "Love and Logic" training to deal with Paul's behavioral challenges. If Paul doesn't get in and out of the shower in a reasonable amount of time he will miss the opportunity to go out to eat with grandpa Jim (or other preferred activities). If Paul chooses not to eat breakfast, he will likely be hungry at school. If he chooses to dawdle in the mornings then he might get a detention at school for arriving to school late. Sometimes its hard to let Paul make poor choices, but in the end we know this method will allow Paul the opportunity to learn to self-regulate his own behavior.

April 2007
Paul enjoyed a trip to Catalina Island with grandma sue and a couple of his brothers. This was the first time Paul had been to Catalina so he was excited but also a little hesitant. Paul enjoy the boat ride a lot and loved sitting outside on the back of the boat watching the water and feeling the mist on his face. Once on the island, he enjoyed walking around, shopping for a souvenir t-shirt, and driving around with grandma in an electric cart. Grandma Sue showed Paul where she grew-up, went to school, and even where she has her first job. It was very interesting for Paul to learn that Grandma Sue was actually a teenager once herself! Paul loved the trip and says he cant wait to go back to Catalina with Grandma Sue this summer.

February 2007
Paul has joined the Shane's Club Choir. The choir is practices every weekend in Canoga Park. Paul is excited about participating with the group. The choir will perform at the Shane's Inspiration Tenth Anniversary Gala held in Los Angeles on March 11th. (for more details please check-out the following web site Shane's Inspiration.org). Paul loves the monthly play dates at Shane's Inspiration and Aiden's Place, both accessible parks in the Los Angeles area. These playgrounds have really made it easy for Paul to get around and use all of the equipment. We hope one day there will be an accessible playground in our local area.

December 2006
Paul is enjoying middle school. He seems to especially like walking to school instead of taking the school bus. Paul is able to push in his manual wheelchair, himself to and from school, independently. Paul likes going to school with the other kids in the neighborhood. In fact Paul has made several friends since starting at Sowers Middle School, both of whom like to hang-out at our house after school. Paul is also doing fairly well in a special day class without the constant support of an instructional aide. He is learning to be more independent with his classroom routine and even with homework. Paul's other big news is he finally got braces on his teeth. Orthodontia is like a right of passage with our middle school age sons. Paul wanted braces but he was also very anxious. It took several attempts before Paul would allow Dr. Benederet to get his hands in Paul's mouth long enough to put the braces on. Hopefully as the treatment goes along, Paul will become more used to the monthly adjustments.

October 2006
Paul is now a middle school student. Paul joined our family as a kindergarten student. Its hard to believe that he is now in 6th grade. Last June Paul graduated from elementary school so that meant that he would be changing schools this year. Transitions are always difficult for Paul, but moving to middle school this September has not caused the extreme anxiety for Paul like other grade changes in the past. In fact this was the first year that Paul didn't think that advancing to the next grade not only meant changing classrooms but also meant changing families. In the past Paul thought that changing his grade at the end of the school year also meant changing families. Paul had moved around so much during his short life that any change left Paul unsettled and anxious. In the past when he moved from foster placement to foster placement he also changed schools. In Paul's mind, the change in placement was triggered by the change in schools instead of visa versa. We did a lot of talking with Paul about this big change and, of course, Paul asked a lot of questions. In the end, for some reason, this year Paul seemed to understand that moving to middle school did not mean Paul would be living some where else. We consider that huge progress towards Paul's ability to trust us when we tell him we are his "forever family."

July 2006
Paul graduated from 5th grade in June. In September he will be transitioning to middle school. This will be a big step for Paul who has been attending Peterson Elementary School since first grade. Change is always difficult for Paul. He used to think that at the end of any school year he was not only changing grades and teachers but that he was also changing families. Paul had so many moves in his life that he simply couldn't comprehend that changing grades did not mean changing families.

We have been talking to Paul about attending middle school where eleven of his brothers already attend. Paul is already anxious about the move. We are hoping that the instructional aid who has supported Paul for many years will be able to travel to middle school with Paul. We are working on the details of this request with the school district at this time. In the meantime we continue to remind Paul that attending middle school is a big event but that he has a "forever family" who will support him along the way.

Update: March 2006
Paul (12) had a wonderful birthday. He received just what he wanted, two hamsters! He named his hamsters "Nickie" and "Lillie" after two of his friends. Paul is enjoying his hamsters and Nikolai is helping Paul learn how to care for them. Paul has been very generous about letting his brothers play with the hamsters as well.

Paul continues to be nervous about his up-coming transition to middle school. All of the classroom talk and the transition planning has caused Paul some serious anxiety. Change is very hard for Paul. He often thinks that changing teachers each school year means he will also be changing families. For the early part of Paul's life he had many foster care placements. Every time he was transferred to a new foster home he was also transferred to a new school, which of course meant a new teacher. As a result, Paul associates new school and new teachers with a new family. Despite lots of discussion about the positive aspects of graduating from elementary school and transitioning to middle school and the fact that our family is Paul's "forever family" Paul's current behavior reflects his anxiety about the up-coming change. Everyone in Paul's circle-of-support continue to reassure Paul that his family is permanent despite other changes in his life.

January 2006
Paul keeps reminding us that his birthday is coming up! Its hard to believe that Paul will be twelve years old soon! He has really grown-up. Paul would like to get a hamster for his birthday. Paul has been very appropriate and responsible with the other family pets (dogs, rats, fish, and hamsters) so it looks like he is ready for a pet of his own. Paul continues to struggle with attachment issues but his attitude has been much more positive lately and he has been much more social and interactive both at home and at school.